Supporting a Friend or Colleague who is Grieving
This is such a hard thing for so many people to do. You might feel uncomfortable and there are many reasons why.
You don’t know what to say. When we interviewed people for our book, Supporting Others in Times of Loss, we learned that the worst thing people can do is say nothing. Let’s face it. There is no “right” thing to say when a person you know has had a serious loss. Just letting people know you’re there for them is more than enough.
You’re uncomfortable. This isn’t about you. Of course you might be uncomfortable, but think about how your friend or colleague feels? It’s uncomfortable to greet a room full of people (some who may be strangers) at a visitation when you’ve just lost someone, but people do it anyway. As we like to say to our students, “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”
You don’t know what they need. Think about what you would want in this situation. I guarantee that nothing you send to someone is going to be poorly received. Again, it’s a reminder they have people thinking about them that are there for them.
Despite these issues, there are many things that people always need that you can do to support them.
Set up a meal train or bring over a meal. People have to eat and a lot of times, they have extra family members to feed as well. You can never go wrong. If you don’t feel like you know people well enough to show up at their doorstep, send a gift card to a delivery service or have something delivered to their house.
Organize a calendar of friends to be “checking in.” If this is a close friend, work with your group to organize a check in. Rotate who is calling, texting or stopping by.
Buy items they may not have time to get. This is our go to. When you’re in the depths of grief, you might not remember to buy toilet paper. Consider buying household items that are used daily and that might be used with visiting guests more like paper towel and paper plates. Healthy easy to grab and go snacks are always a plus as well.
We have a lot of tips in our book from those who have directly experienced loss, so check it out!